


Are you trying to make me jealous?

by Songs_and_fairytales



Category: British Actor RPF, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Feels, Jealousy, Mattex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-25 13:37:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14379759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Songs_and_fairytales/pseuds/Songs_and_fairytales
Summary: His eyes look about ready to jump out of his head at that, but he’s not going to make a scene. Not here. Not in the hallway of the hotel, at a convention, where anyone could be lurking about. So instead he pushes his way into her hotel room.





	Are you trying to make me jealous?

“Are you trying to make me jealous? Because if you are, congratulations! You’ve succeeded.” Matt says with an exasperated expression as Alex opens her hotel door. 

“Well, hello to you too,” she says with her hand on her hip and a rather put-out expression. “Now what exactly are you talking about?”

His eyes look about ready to jump out of his head at that, but he’s not going to make a scene. Not here. Not in the hallway of the hotel, at a convention, where anyone could be lurking about. So instead he pushes his way into her hotel room. 

“Well, come in, I guess,” she says as she flings the door closed and turns to face the man now pacing in a circle in front of her bed. “Matt, what the hell is wrong with you? What’s all this about? Please just calm down and explain,” she says as she crosses the entryway and grabs hold of his biceps. 

“She’s mine,” he says with the most forlorn expression she’s seen on his face in a long time. 

“What?” Alex says with shock. 

“River,” Matt breathes out. “River. She’s supposed to be mine. She’s my wife!” 

She looks at him with a mixture of pity and anger and drops his arms. 

“She’s no more yours than I am darling.” She winces as the endearment accidentally passed her lips. She turns to walk towards the small sofa off to the side of the room, but he grabs her wrist and pulls her close to him. 

“You were once,” he says in almost a whisper as he leans into her personal space. 

With a racing heart and without pulling away, she replies, “But I’m not any more.”

“That wasn’t my choice,” he responds as he begins to caress her forearms. 

“Matt,” she begins to beg. “Don’t do this,” she pleads, unable to look up into his eyes. “I’m married,” she tries, but he’s still caressing her arm, inching his way up towards her shoulders. “I’m happy,” she tries again. But the moment the words escape her lips, his hands move to her neck and he pulls her closer to him, gently kissing her lips. Her eyes close as she gives in. 

As the kiss grows more passionate, her hands dart under his shirt, nails clawing at his back as his hands snake through her hair, tugging and demanding purchase. Then her phone rings. She remembers herself. Remembers who she’s with, when she is, and pushes him away. 

“No, no, I can’t do this,” she says as her arms extend to simultaneously push him away and cover her offending lips. 

“I never stopped loving you,” he states simply, unable to move for fear she would disappear. 

“Goddammit, Matthew!” she shouts as she spins away from him, unable to look at him any longer. “Why the hell are you doing this now? What didn’t you understand about the words ‘I’m married’? God, you were there! You…” She pauses remembering the day, remembering the look on his face, remembering the way he had kissed her just before the ceremony. 

“Yes,” he says as he makes his way towards her slowly. “Yes, I watched you marry another man. I watched you smile and walk down the aisle, and I realized that that should have been me. That I should have been the one standing at the end of that aisle waiting for you. That I should have fought harder for you. That’s why I kissed you. Because I need you to know that it should have been me.” He finished as he turns her towards himself again. 

“And that’s why it isn’t you,” she states simply. “That’s why it’s Jonathan and not you.” She says as she looks into his eyes.

“What?” Matt says, more confused than ever. 

“You know he saw us.” Matt looked shocked. “He came looking for me, convinced I would get cold feet.” She smiles to herself as she says this, not bothering to stop and consider the perplexed expression on Matt’s face. “I was you know. I was getting cold feet. And then you came in and kissed me and I was ready to walk away, ready to run away, to you for as long as you would have me. And as I was getting ready to tell him just that, he stopped me. He told me that he loved me, that all he wanted was for me to be happy, and if that meant a life with you, then he wasn’t going to try and stop me. He kissed me. Not the way you did. No one kisses me the way you do. When you kiss me, the world melts away. Nothing matters except the fire you set inside me. I can feel how much you want me. I can feel you taking control of me. When Jonathon kissed me that day, the world didn’t melt. There was no fire. There was nothing possessive about it. I just felt safe. It wasn’t meant to be anything other than a promise that he trusted and understood whatever I choose.”

She finally looked up and into his eyes, his bright beautiful eyes suddenly full of tears. She wanted nothing more than to make those tears go away, but she knew that if he was going to truly understand, she couldn’t console him, couldn’t do as she longed and wipe the tears away with her lips. So instead she stepped back, watched him sink onto the bed, and continued. “You have to understand, Matt, I will always love you. I didn’t leave because I stopped. I left because no matter how many times you promised that you wouldn’t get tired of me, how many times you swore that I’m all you needed, I was still scared. Terrified that you’d find someone younger, someone who could give you everything you deserve, someone better.” Matt stands to interject, but Alex barrels on. 

“No listen,” she continues as she feels the tears begin to form in her own eyes. “I love you, but I can’t live my life in fear.”

“But you were ready to try again on your wedding day,” he says with the tiniest bit of hope in his voice. 

“You don’t get it,” Alex says as she sinks into the couch behind her. “He saw us! He saw how afraid I was. Afraid of a life with you, afraid of a life with him, afraid to choose anything, and he let go. He told me how much he loved me and let go so that I could be happy, even if it wasn’t with him.”

“You’re right,” Matt says as he moved to kneel before Alex on the couch. “I don’t get it. I don’t get how anyone could have you and let you get away. I don’t get how I did, how I didn’t run after you the moment you walked out of my flat in London and demand that you’d listened to me when I told you I loved you. Demand that you believe me.” He reaches for her hands and held them in silent prayer that she’ll understand how much he loves her. 

“But, Matt, you didn’t come after me. You found someone else instead.”

“I was trying to get over you, and if I'm being honest, I was trying to make you jealous,” he says in lieu of an apology. 

“Well, congratulations, you did make me jealous. In fact, you convinced me and the rest of the world that you were in love with that girl. You convinced her, too, you know.” Matt scowls at the floor at those last words. “You know she told me all about how in love you two were when we were in Australia.” He looks up at that, ashamed and angry at himself. “So I moved on. I let go.”

“Alex, I’m sorry! Lily...she... I. I was trying to convince myself that I loved her. I think for a minute there I did. And then I saw you again. I danced with you and had more than a two word interaction with you and it all came back. I broke up with her a week after we came back from the convention circuit. But by that point, you had gotten engaged. And Alex, I swear. I swear,” he said as he pulled her hands up to his lips and kissed them, “I tried to let go, to be happy for you. The day of your wedding, I was coming to tell you how happy I was for you. But then I saw you in that dress and my heart stopped. And I realized the I couldn’t let you get married without making sure you knew how much I still loved you.”

And there were her tears. Silent and angry and unwanted, but ever present and on display for Matt. And so he reached up to brush them away with his thumb. 

“How much I will always love you, Alex.” He kissed her temple. “No matter how much-” He kissed the corner of her eye. “-you tell me-” He kissed her closed eyelid. -“that you’re afraid-” Her cheek. “-or that someone loves you better.” Her lips. “Do you hear me, Alex?” he says as he cups her face between his palms. “I love you, and I’m not giving up, no matter how much you try and make me jealous or convince that you love him more.” And with that, he kisses her again. Gently at first, giving her a moment to decide. To respond. To admit through her actions that she still wanted him. And she did. 

She gave in to the kiss. She gave into his hands moving to her waist. Gave into his body as he leaned her onto her back. She let him remove her clothing and helped him remove his own. Held onto him as he lifted her towards her hotel bed and caressed the nape of his neck and scalp as he bit her neck and claimed her with his marks. She let go and gave herself over to him completely, knowing full well that she would hate herself the moment that their bodies were no longer intertwined. She gave herself to him, at least for the night. For tonight, she was his again. 

“I won’t leave him, you know,” she said to him as she stared at the ceiling, unable to fully acknowledge the man whose arm lay on her naked breasts. “I’ll tell him and he can choose what to do with it, but I still choose him.”

**Author's Note:**

> First fic, be gentle with me please.  
> Also thanks Cassie for fixing my mistakes!


End file.
